What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found

We do precision guesswork

Umh, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!

Today's subliminal message is . . .

Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

The older I get, the older old is

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

The best things in life aren't things